


Holding On To You

by ItFeelsLikeHome



Series: ONS Reveal Week [2]
Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-30
Updated: 2017-05-30
Packaged: 2018-11-06 20:20:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11043603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ItFeelsLikeHome/pseuds/ItFeelsLikeHome
Summary: The conversation that should have happened yesterday (29/5/2017) between Robert and Aaron after the toilet scene on Friday night when Aaron tells Robert he will support him as a father.  Told from Robert's point of view.





	Holding On To You

He felt like a magician’s assistant awaiting the fall of the knives, swords or any other sharp instrument that was about to lacerate his stomach and heart. He didn’t want to hear the car pull up on the drive, the driver’s door open, only for his world to abruptly end with those words to come out of Aaron’s mouth. Because surely the way Aaron was upset at Rebecca not having an abortion, the way that Robert wanted to protect Aaron and say something, anything that would make everything else okay, but also the way he wanted to curl up like a foetus himself in Aaron’s arms, meant that Aaron would be far from okay. 

It meant that Robert was anything from okay about the situation. 

He had been a dead man on borrowed time. He was sure, adamant in fact, as soon as Aaron knew about his betrayal that it would be game over for their relationship. It still astounded him that Aaron wanted to forgive him. But the bitch’s latest reveal he didn’t think Aaron could get past. And who could really blame him? If the shoe was on the other foot, he knew he would have issues with Aaron having a tie with any other man like the tie he and Rebecca were ultimately going to have. 

It had been two hours since Robert had asked for reassurance from Aaron. Two hours since his beautiful, but broken, husband had ran out of the toilets, and now he wasn’t picking up any of Robert’s calls. The memory of Aaron’s refusal to say the actual words ‘I love you’ and ‘I forgive you’ made Robert’s stomach want to vomit.

This really was the beginning of the end. 

Tyres drove over the gravel and finally a car door opened until the key turned in the lock of their front door. 

Robert stood up, head bowed and ready for Aaron’s words. The tears stung at his eyes. The bulldozers that were masking themselves as his tonsils weighed heavily down on the rest of his throat and even went so far as to weigh down the rest of his body. 

Aaron couldn’t even look at him. It really was over. 

He knew he had to say something, anything, to save the situation. After all, Aaron was his world. Everything. The one good thing - shining and pure - in all the mistakes and mess he had made of his life. 

He gulped away the bulldozers and let out a small sob at how painful it was. ‘Aaron, the baby means nothing to me. I said yesterday I’d choose you every time.’ He stumbled over the words as his nose tingled with the prospect of more tears forming in their ducts. ‘I chose you.’

Aaron looked up from his hands where he was playing with his wedding ring. Normally, Robert found Aaron’s trait quite endearing, but ever since he took it off the day before, whenever Aaron touched it, Robert was concerned about what would happen next. He had hated seeing it lying on the chair fingerless. Empty. It had shown how he had felt inside when Aaron had said the words, ‘We’re not married.’ 

‘It’s another human being, Robert, a life that is part of yours.’ Tear tracks had marked Aaron’s face. ‘A person that will rely on you.’ He let a few more fall before brushing it away with his sleeve-covered fist. 

‘But I don’t want any of it. I don’t want that. I want you. Just you.’ His voice was whispered and broken. He knew he would succumb to tears soon, but he had to fight for Aaron. ‘Aaron, I love you.’

Was he foolishly thinking that love was enough? That Aaron could get over the betrayal and be okay with seeing the baby because they loved each other? Sometimes he felt that their love could move mountains, but that was the way Aaron made him feel - like he could do anything with Aaron by his side and be the man that was good enough for his husband. The reformed Robert. But he had fallen back into old habits and no amount of love in the world could save them, if Aaron could never get past this. 

‘I love you.’

Three words, eight letters and its one meaning wasn’t lost on Robert. He clinged onto it for dear life - a lifeboat in the tempest of his deceit and lies and Rebecca’s stupid reasoning for keeping the baby. 

‘But, this is your flesh and blood.’ Aaron swallowed and bit his lip.

Robert wasn’t sure he would like what would come next. 

‘Remember your dad. Do you want to give up on your child like he gave up on you?’

‘That’s different.’

‘Not particularly. We’ve both had dads that haven’t been there for us in the right way. It is the right thing for you to be there for this baby. Your child.’ Aaron winced as he said the last two words.

‘I’m not interested in it. It means nothing to me.’ He shook his head with force hoping that the conviction was there behind the words. 

‘You say that now, but when it’s born you will feel differently about it.’

‘No, I won’t. I swear, Aaron. If I could go back in time, I would change all of this. I would… I would-’ 

He looked at Aaron for reassurance again, wondering how he could rectify a situation and a mistake that meant the greatest thing in his life might just slip through his fingers and out of his reach. He needed to cling onto Aaron because without him, he didn’t know what he would do. Aaron was his anchor, his moral compass. His better half. His other half. 

Aaron had nothing else to give him at that moment. Instead he braced himself with a deep breath and looked at Robert. 

‘Do you still forgive me?’ Robert needed to hear those words, that reassurance that everything was okay, that they would get through this and fight it together. 

‘Yes.’

Robert took in a breath of relief. ‘I promise I won’t have anything to do with it. With her.’

‘No, you need to be a father. And I’ll support you.’

Robert’s mouth was open, his brow higher in confusion. He snapped his mouth shut but couldn’t contain the stunned feeling Aaron’s words had left him with. ‘You don’t have to say that. I know it will be difficult for you, but I really don’t want anything to do with it.’

‘If that’s what you think now. But you don’t know what will happen in the future.’ Aaron’s shoulders raised in emphasis and he steadied his breathing. 

‘Neither do you.’ 

‘Being a father to the baby is the right thing to do. I’ll support you whatever it is you decide to do, but you need to promise me that we’ll do this together and while things can’t ever be over with her, she’s not going to come in between us ever again.’

‘Of course.’ Robert moved towards Aaron nearly closing the gap between the two of them. 

Aaron put up his right hand to stop him coming any closer. ‘No, swear it, Robert.’ 

‘I swear.’

‘We remain civil to her, but that’s it. But you need to promise me that it’s us against the world.’

‘It’s us against the world.’ 

Aaron let out a slight smile. 

‘But what changed your mind?’ Robert had to ask because he might change his mind in the future and Robert needed to be on guard in case it did happen.

‘I want to be with you.’ Aaron paused while his body was rocking forward and his head moving up and down. ‘I want us to work through this together.’ 

‘Me too.’

He drew Aaron into him, smelling his sandalwood aroma and knew that for the second time in two days this man had literally saved his world.


End file.
